Go Go Rach and Alex Crabtree invited me to Extreme Writing Now to talk about my AA Alternative self-help/memoir, From Death Do I Part: How I Freed Myself From Addiction. Listen below.
It is not enough to tell me your drug and alcohol rehab does not include AA or the 12-Steps. While my standard of a potentially long-term beneficial drug and alcohol rehab must include that very important ingredient, that is not enough to convince me that a rehab program is a good one. Not even close.
This morning I was shown the ad for a particularly well-marketed — a.k.a., well-funded — Malibu rehab facility. I’ve been aware of this place for several years now and while it does claim to run a Non-AA program, simply eliminating a noxious ingredient does not thereby create a delicious meal.
I was a patient in another luxury Malibu drug and alcohol rehab in 1997 so this is not a case of Malibu-by-the-sea envy. And it has nothing to do with the fact that the drug counselor at that facility kindly reached his oh-so-healing-hands up under my shirt when I shared my struggles. My point has to do with the less than integrity-driven treatment that is being delivered behind the doors of many (many!) drug and alcohol rehabs. The Malibu rehab program I was in — just like all the others — served not only to feed my cynicism, it left me feeling even more hopeless than when I first checked in. I think I lasted about 10 or 12 days after finishing that program before I went out and downed three large bottles of Sapporo beer and countless cups of sake and then passed out. No, the luxuriousness of a rehab is not what heals addiction. And, having been in both scuzzy rehabs and luxury rehabs, I can say that the main difference between the two is the quality of the food.
Having said that, I’ve noticed a change in rehab advertising lately. A change jumping on a trend. That’s frightening when we’re dealing with a person’s life — is it trendy or is there something truly integrity-driven and beneficial going on?
When the general public learns that a certain ingredient is unhealthy it becomes unpopular in the marketplace and people tend to avoid it. We then see businesses marketing their products as special because they lack that particular harmful ingredient. They know… if people see a product that does not contain the latest unpopular ingredient, they will automatically assume it is good for them — and their loved ones — and they will buy it.
When it comes to drug and alcohol rehab facilities it takes more than just pulling AA and the 12-Steps from the program to convince me that the program is of value to people struggling with addictive behavior. What are the ingredients the program is using — traditional psychotherapy… dig up your childhood ’til you puke therapy? Again, not good enough. It is also not enough to tell me your rehab runs longer than 30 days. While it is true that lasting transformation of this sort almost always takes longer than 30 days of practice to acquire, a mistaken approach does not lead to healing no matter how long you extend it.
“Yet that day, crawling on the floor in my own sweat, I felt so desperate that I actually considered going to the only AA meeting in town. I felt that helpless. But I also felt sure that AA would not be any different than it ever was. Even though I was terrified, in withdrawal, and feeling helpless and alone, I just could not bring myself to go to a meeting. I needed more than that“
That is an excerpt from my book. THAT is the reason I wrote the book: “I needed help, and I knew that others like me did as well.”
“I had made up my mind to do something to help myself. I was sweating and trembling and horrified, yet I became 100 percent determined that I had to do this. I was sick of all of the promises.”
In the name of love and compassion for all of you who suffer as I did with the deep emotional pain, sadness and turmoil that comes with long-term substance abuse, I am here to shed light on the notion that AA is the only road to recovery: It is not. I am proof.
Thankfully and finally, more and more free groups and affordable resources (books, websites) are appearing for those of us who want to be well but want nothing to do with Alcoholics Anonymous (other than offering alternatives). You can read my book,From Death Do I Part, for insights and for guidance with the inner healing process (and a few tips on the physical as well). The first three chapters are free on smashbooks.com. And here is a starter list of alternative website I began in a recent post (I have not personally experienced any of them but they look good): SMART Recovery, LifeRing, RationalRecovery, Women For Sobriety. Also check out Dr. Stanton Peele and Dr. Marc Kern.” For more insights into addiction, also read this best seller: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Gabor Maté M.D. It is a book filled with compassion and understanding and it is extremely well written (so in tune with the reader and addict). If anyone has any other sites to add, please comment here or send me an email.
I’ve been slowly making my way through each episode of the reality show, “KITCHEN NIGHTMARES,” starring the internationally renowned chef, Gordon Ramsay. On the show Chef Ramsay goes on a mission to rescue a restaurant in crisis. He shows up at a preselected restaurant and whips everyone into shape by yelling and cursing at them. How he really helps them is with his expert knowledge and skill. Also, his crew spends time and money giving each restaurant a make-over.
Though yelling at people wouldn’t be my way, I very much like the idea of someone coming in to help a person when they are in such despair. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a Chef Ramsay for everyone in crisis—whether emotional, physical, or economic. In drug and alcohol intervention plans, “rescue” is the goal. However, from what I’ve seen, its rarely achieved. That plan needs work.
We all need help sometimes, but some of us have been absolutely desperate for it. And when that happens it is a crisis. It’s disturbing to learn when someone in such despair and who could have been saved has died. If only someone had been willing to carry them, just for a little while, until they could begin to see and do for themselves again.
Very often a change of circumstances and absolute support can make all the difference in the life—or death—of an addict. That is why it’s tragic when no one moves to assist. And why don’t we? It could be the very existence of that destitute person is precisely the reason we do not do everything that is needed to help them. I’m guessing that most of us are afraid if we were to fully embrace a person in need, not only could it send us into the throes of poverty and despair ourselves, but we would also be forced to acknowledge that, apart from our own personal charity, society is not set up to truly care for those in need. Helping the person in every way possible means we understand there is no “Chef Ramsay” to save us if we fall into crisis ourselves. So often it is easier to lay all responsibility on the addict.
Our world and each society in it has a long way to go. But there is one thing I’ve learned through all my struggles, defeats, accomplishments, and successes—having a long way to go is NEVER a reason not to persevere.
Go Go Rach and Alex Crabtree invited me to Extreme Writing Now to talk about my AA Alternative self-help/memoir, From Death Do I Part: How I Freed Myself From Addiction. Listen below.
by Gabor Mat
I’ve been slowly making my way through each episode of the reality show, “KITCHEN NIGHTMARES,” starring the internationally renowned chef, Gordon Ramsay. On the show Chef Ramsay goes on a mission to rescue a restaurant in crisis. He shows up at a preselected restaurant and whips everyone into shape by yelling and cursing at them. How he really helps them is with his expert knowledge and skill. Also, his crew spends time and money giving each restaurant a make-over.
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