Beyond Rehab

I’ve been asked to take part in a new book on addiction recovery. Here is a portion of my answer to a question regarding “loss” due to addiction and also the “threat of loss” as a motivator for change.

“There are so many things I missed out on because of my past. There are also so many things I have gained on a very deep, psychological level that I would have missed out on had I lived an easy life. Because I have survived, what I have gained is what is most important today, not what I “could have done.” I would be lying if I said I never felt some sadness about things I might have lost, but that is true for most everyone as they look back on their lives, not just people who were caught up in addiction. What I aim to do now is help others who struggle as I have, by sharing what I have learned.

When I quit drinking (and smoking) this last time around, it was not just because my life was in danger. While it is true that my life was threatened by many years of substance abuse, saving my life was not by itself what explains my success this time. At the same time I was saving my life, I was also challenging life. I wanted life to prove to me that it was worth living. I wanted to know if there really was more to life than misery or the mundane daily existence I usually experienced without substances. As I say in my book: “I resolved right there to hold on to see what-if anything-is at the end of the rainbow…on the other side of the fence…across the bridge….”

There are several probing and important questions in the interview. I’ll link to the book as soon as it’s available.

CD I gave out at the talk with the not yet released song, "Where Do You Go," which relates to my book: you're not alone, there's hope.

Thursday’s book talk is posted on youtube, www.youtube.com/user/fromdeathdoipart. Part one is me talking and reading from Chapter 1, Part 2 is talking and reading from Chapter 34, Part 3 is Q & A with the audience.

I’ll be posting a short Flash cartoon I made to the same youtube channel soon so check back (here or on youtube). It’s cute. It’s called, “You’re Never Alone.”

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“Yet that day, crawling on the floor in my own sweat, I felt so desperate that I actually considered going to the only AA meeting in town. I felt that helpless. But I also felt sure that AA would not be any different than it ever was. Even though I was terrified, in withdrawal, and feeling helpless and alone, I just could not bring myself to go to a meeting. I needed more than that“

That is an excerpt from my book. THAT is the reason I wrote the book: “I needed help, and I knew that others like me did as well.”

“I had made up my mind to do something to help myself. I was sweating and trembling and horrified, yet I became 100 percent determined that I had to do this. I was sick of all of the promises.”

In the name of love and compassion for all of you who suffer as I did with the deep emotional pain, sadness and turmoil that comes with long-term substance abuse, I am here to shed light on the notion that AA is the only road to recovery: It is not. I am proof.

Thankfully and finally, more and more free groups and affordable resources (books, websites) are appearing for those of us who want to be well but want nothing to do with Alcoholics Anonymous (other than offering alternatives). You can read my book, From Death Do I Part, for insights and for guidance with the inner healing process (and a few tips on the physical as well). The first three chapters are free on smashbooks.com. And here is a starter list of alternative website I began in a recent post (I have not personally experienced any of them but they look good): SMART Recovery, LifeRing, RationalRecovery, Women For Sobriety. Also check out Dr. Stanton Peele and Dr. Marc Kern.” For more insights into addiction, also read this best seller: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Gabor Maté M.D. It is a book filled with compassion and understanding and it is extremely well written (so in tune with the reader and addict). If anyone has any other sites to add, please comment here or send me an email.

In addition to print, From Death Do I Part is now available in all ebook reader formats through Smashwords.com. I’m giving away THREE ebook versions (with a small catch). The ebook will also be in the major online bookstores as they receive notice. The catch for the free download is a review — anywhere. Send me a message through my contact page telling me where you plan to leave a review (amazon, your blog, facebook, another site,  local paper, church, support group) and I’ll send you a code if you’re one of the first three with an acceptable review destination. First come, first serve (but I’ll do this again in the future and might also be talked into making an exception).

Also, check out the new comments on my last post.

A while back I was asked to write about what finally convinced me I had to quit drinking. Immediately I remembered the horrible alcohol-induced hallucinations I experienced leading up to the morning I finally quit. But then I remembered—that is not what convinced me I needed to quit drinking for good. That horrifying experience is only what convinced me I needed to quit drinking for that day.

I had spent over 20 years abusing my body with substances, so of course I had hit drinking and drugging bottoms before that last one. The last one just took on a different form—albeit one of the most frightening. However, “hitting bottom” or the fear of hitting bottom was not enough to convince me to quit drinking forever—as it is not enough for many. It takes something more.

So what is that extra element that convinced me after that last episode of “hitting bottom” to do more than just heal-up for a few days and return to drinking as I had so often done in the past?

Two things—one was my willingness to finally have the courage to acknowledge that ”little” voice of good judgment I had been ignoring for so much of my life. And two was my willingness to act on that “little” voice’s wisdom.

The wisdom I ignored and eventually, finally, listened to and acted upon was this: My life is a creative one. It is not meant to be about avoiding drugs and alcohol. Life is about what I say yes to, not what I say no to. I am free to find my own way to live the life I dream of, the life I truly desire.

As I have said before, I do not share the opinions and beliefs of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have every right not to be limited by the beliefs of that program or those who support it. However—and this is a BIG however—I am responsible for discovering what I do believe, and for listening to that “little” voice of wisdom. I am responsible for discovering and acting upon, to the best of my ability, ways to enhance my life and the lives of those I touch. Kindness, compassion and love—with a bit of fun added in as often as possible—is a mantra for all (that is, of course, if you choose to believe in it).