A Joke: “A young man and a young woman had been dating for four years, and the young man wanted very much to get married. His girlfriend, however, gave no sign that she was interested in marriage.
Finally, one night, the young man decided to try to get a commitment. After a romantic meal with soft music playing in the background, he said gently, “You know, my love, my greatest desire is to have a wife.”
“That’s fine, honey,” the young woman said. “But I’d like to continue seeing you occasionally.”
So the young woman is afraid of commitments. I shy away from certain commitments too, especially ones that feel restrictive. But I make commitments with ease when I feel they are useful and hopeful and possibly even exciting and great. No problem there.
If I knew the young woman in the joke above and I thought her boyfriend was an awesome match for her, I would give her this advice— “Jane,” when you feel afraid of committing to marriage, try this: say to yourself, “I am committing to discovering how much joy and laughter I can experience with this person. I am committing to discovering what wonderful things the two of us can create together and that will fulfill us both. I am committing to discovering how much LOVE I can grow with this person.”
And if “Jane” were a problem drinker and we both agreed alcohol was a terrible match for her, I would give her the same advice. I would say— “Jane,” when you feel afraid of committing to life without alcohol, try this: say to yourself, “I am committing myself to discover the best me who has been hiding under the veil of alcohol and/or drugs. I am committing myself to discover how much health I can feel in my body. I am committing myself to discover how much joy and LOVE I can find with life.”
Forget the small stuff—commit to the bigger picture. Commit yourself to discovering/uncovering the best of life, the best of you.